Caring for Children and Aging Parents During the Holidays

The holiday season is often viewed as a time of joy, family, and togetherness. However, for those in the “sandwich generation”— adults caught between the responsibilities of childcare and caring for aging parents — this period can present unique challenges. The demands of managing the needs of a younger and older generation simultaneously can be particularly heightened during the festive season. It can be particularly challenging if you or your child have ADHD.

Read on as the Next Step team shares tips for navigating the holiday season when you’re caring for two generations.

The Holiday Stress for the Sandwich Generation

The holidays often amplify the pressures for those balancing childcare with the responsibilities of caring for aging parents. The image of a perfect holiday season can starkly contrast with the reality of these demanding caregiving roles. This leads to increased stress and feelings of being stretched too thin.

Recognizing Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression

For some individuals in the sandwich generation, the heightened stress during the holidays can trigger episodes of anxiety or depression. It’s important to be aware of signs such as persistent sadness, excessive worry, changes in sleep patterns, or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. Early recognition of these symptoms is crucial for effective management.

Additional reading on these topics:

• 8 Risk Factors for  Depression
• 11 Ways to Help Someone with Depression 
• Anxiety at Christmas
• What Is Generalized Anxiety?

The Importance of Self-Care

Self-care is essential for individuals juggling the dual responsibilities of childcare and caring for aging parents. Practical tips for self-care during the holiday season include:

• Setting achievable expectations
• Delegating tasks
• Setting aside ample personal time for relaxation and enjoyment

Planning and organizing can be more challenging if you have ADHD. Use as many of these tips as possible to help you stay organized.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not just a luxury, but a necessity for maintaining your overall well-being.

Click through the image slideshow for a few quick ideas to help you relax.

Additional reading on self-care:

• Ways to Prioritize Self-Care If You’re Feeling Sad
• How to Motivate Yourself to Work-Out

Try a Self-Care Jar

Here’s a fun idea for the whole family to try:

Support Systems and Resources

Establishing a support network is vital. This network can comprise friends, family, and community resources. Support groups tailored for the sandwich generation or caregiver support can provide a sense of community and understanding.

Seeking Professional Help

When stress becomes overwhelming, it may indicate the need for professional assistance. Consulting with a mental health professional can provide valuable strategies for managing stress, addressing emotional challenges, and enhancing overall mental health.

The dual challenges of caring for children and aging parents during the holiday season are substantial. Recognizing when additional support is needed and taking steps to prioritize mental health are key.

Here for You

If you’re navigating the complexities of the sandwich generation this holiday season, we’re here to help. Our practice offers support, guidance, and professional assistance to help you manage these challenges. Contact us to schedule an appointment and start your journey towards a more balanced holiday season.

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Quiz: Are You a Meal Prepper? Discover the ADHD Benefits

Meal prepping can be a game-changer, especially for those with ADHD. It’s not just about organizing your meals; it’s about improving focus, managing impulsivity, and setting yourself up for success.

Take this quiz to find out if you’re a meal prepper and learn about the incredible benefits it offers for individuals with ADHD.

Quiz Time: Are You a Meal Prepper?

1. Do you plan your meals in advance, at least a few days ahead?

• Always
• Sometimes
• Rarely
• Never

2. How often do you cook multiple servings of a dish to eat throughout the week?

• Every week
• Once in a while
• Rarely
• Never

3. How do you feel about grocery shopping?

• Excited, I love it!
• Neutral, it’s okay.
• Overwhelmed, but I manage.
• It’s a struggle.

4. What’s your reaction when you’re hungry but don’t have a meal ready?

• No worries, I have a stash of prepped meals.
• I’ll figure something out quickly.
• I might grab unhealthy snacks.
• Panic mode – it’s chaos!

5. How much time do you spend on meal preparation each week?

• About an hour a day
• A few hours on the weekend
• Whenever I find time
• I play it by ear

Results:

If you answered mostly:

• A’s: Congratulations, you’re a meal prepper pro! You understand the value of planning ahead and have likely experienced the benefits it brings.
• B’s: You’re on the right track! You might not meal prep consistently, but you’re aware of its advantages.
• C’s: Meal prepping isn’t your strong suit, but you’re open to exploring its potential benefits.
• D’s: Meal prepping could be a game-changer for you. Consider the positive impact it could have on managing ADHD symptoms.

The ADHD Benefits of Meal Prepping

1. Improved Focus:

Meal prepping reduces decision fatigue by eliminating the need to figure out what to eat each time you’re hungry. This helps conserve mental energy, allowing you to stay focused on important tasks.

2. Reduced Impulsivity:

Having prepped meals on hand helps prevent impulsive food choices, which can be common for individuals with ADHD. You’re less likely to grab unhealthy snacks or opt for fast food when you already have nutritious meals ready to go.

3. Time and Energy Savings:

Meal prepping might seem time-consuming upfront, but it saves time and effort throughout the week. You’ll spend less time cooking on a daily basis, giving you more room for other activities.

4. Consistent Nutrition:

People with ADHD often struggle with maintaining consistent eating patterns. Meal prepping ensures that you have balanced meals available, which can positively impact your overall well-being.

5. Stress Reduction:

The peace of mind that comes with knowing you have meals ready can significantly reduce stress. You won’t have to worry about last-minute food arrangements.

Recap

Meal prepping isn’t just for fitness enthusiasts; it’s a powerful tool for staying organized and ensuring you maintain a balanced diet. By taking the quiz and considering the benefits, you’ve taken the first step toward incorporating this strategy into your routine. Give meal prepping a try and experience the positive impact it can have on your focus, impulsivity, and daily productivity. Your journey to better ADHD management starts in the kitchen!

Need Help Managing ADHD?

Do you need help with time management or other organizational strategies? Whether you need ADHD coaching or therapy, our multidisciplinary team has everything you need under one roof. To get started, request an appointment today.

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Planning Thanksgiving Dinner with ADHD? Tips for Success

Organizing and planning can be challenging tasks for adults with ADHD — and those are two skills necessary for planning a Thanksgiving dinner.

Thankfully, executive function skills — which include planning and organization — are teachable skills. And that means planning a successful Thanksgiving dinner is within your reach.

Here’s what you need to know:

Plan Your Menu in Advance

First things first: plan your menu!

Organizing your thoughts and goals for the day is important. You might benefit from using a journal to plan your menu. Be sure to plan for all components of your meal, including:

• The main dish (it’s okay if turkey isn’t your thing)
• Vegetables
• Starches, including mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes
• Side dishes, including cranberries or other sauces
• Appetizers
• Bread or rolls
• Desserts
• Beverages

Creating this master menu is step one in managing your time on Turkey Day. For example, you might choose to make some of these items the day before Thanksgiving Day. You might need to take out your turkey from the freezer. We’ll get to time management tips later in this article, but for now, know that your menu is the first step to a successful event.

Need inspiration? Here’s a list of 50 tasty Thanksgiving recipes.

Prepare for Your Grocery Trip

Planning for a big event like Thanksgiving can seem daunting especially when your ADHD symptoms ― poor time management, inattention, difficulty organizing —start infiltrating your grocery shopping trip. Another ADHD symptom ― impulsivity ― makes grocery trips particularly difficult.

The best way to combat these challenges is to prepare for your grocery trip. Trying to plan a meal for a large party is difficult without planning, whether you have ADHD or not.

Before you even head to the store, you’ll need:

• A grocery list (including any items you need for the party e.g., paper plates, candles, décor)
• A designated time to shop (trying to squeeze in a large shopping trip isn’t ideal… allot plenty of unrushed time to shop)
• A full belly (shopping on an empty stomach increases your risk of impulsive buys and deviations from your list)

Tips for Making Your Grocery List

• Always write your list down, either on paper or in a digital grocery app. This will help eliminate forgotten items.
• Include quantities of items e.g. two cans of pumpkin puree or one 32-ounce can
• Be specific e.g. bread flour versus cake flour
• List out ingredients for a recipe e.g., instead of writing “pumpkin pie stuff” write two cans of pumpkin puree, eggs, two boxes of pie crust mix, 1-ounce jar of pumpkin spice mix, 1 pint of heavy whipping cream… and so on

Use Your Calendar

There’s a lot going on in the days leading up to Thanksgiving, and a calendar can you keep track of everything you need to do.

If time management is especially difficult for you, a calendar is even more so important.

You might use your calendar to create a schedule for:

• Setting out the turkey — some turkeys need days to thaw. You can check here.
• Setting the table
• Preparing any side dishes prior to Thanksgiving
• When to start baking
• When to put beverages in the fridge
• When to start cleaning for guests (you might start your cleaning days before Turkey Day and focus more on baking closer to the big day)

A well-organized calendar can help prevent last minutes scrambling.

Delegate

Just because you’re hosting Thanksgiving, doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Delegating tasks, even small ones, can help the day run smoother.

Ideas include:

• Giving small (but well-defined) tasks to your children
• Be specific: instead of asking for “help” ask for specific help e.g., “sweep the dining room” or “write names on the place settings” 
• Ask for friends or family members to bring a side dish (but write this on your menu so you can keep track!)

Delegating doesn’t just mean friends or family helping you. You might delegate or receive help in other ways too. This might include hiring a cleaning service to clean your house the day before Thanksgiving, or you might order pies from a local bakery. Note that these all require pre-planning so if you think you’ll outsource help, start the preparations well in advance.

Don’t Overestimate the Power of Simple

If you feel overwhelmed, try to focus on simple things. If the thought of roasting a whole turkey overwhelms you, try a turkey breast instead. If the idea of juggling oven time between pies and rolls is too much, go for simple. Order rolls from a bakery to free up some space.

At the end of the day, Thanksgiving is about coming together as a family and celebrating love, joy, and things we are thankful for in life — and a simple meal can be part of that.

Tools to Help You Plan

Here are a few suggestions to make planning Thanksgiving even easier:

• Online or paper calendar
• Online or paper grocery list
• Online grocery delivery services (Some grocery stores offer delivery, but you can use other apps like Instacart too.)
• The number to the Turkey Hotline! If you have a cooking problem, the Butterball Turkey Hotline can help!

Enjoy the Day!

No matter how the day unfolds, remember to cherish the memories and celebrate those you love! If something goes wrong, or an ingredient goes missing, take a deep breath, center yourself, and carry on.

Need Extra Help with Planning and Organization?

If you’re still feeling overwhelmed with planning and organizing tasks, we can help. Here at Next Step 4 ADHD, we provide comprehensive, multimodal support, including:

• One-to-one ADHD coaching
• Medication management
• Therapy
• Online courses, including our FREE self-care course which focuses on nutrition
• Group courses, including Planning & Organizing Group Program

To make an appointment or to learn more, call us at 502-907-5908. You can also request an appointment here.

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Five Ways to Improve Emotional Regulation

Dealing with uncomfortable feelings is a shared human experience. We all encounter a range of emotions, and sometimes we even experience multiple emotions at once.  Frustration, jealousy, anger, and grief are just a few examples of uncomfortable emotions – but we have a tool to help us manage those emotions. Emotional regulation helps us keep our reactions under control – rather than our emotions controlling our reactions. By regulating and managing our emotions, we can better respond to life’s difficulties in healthy and socially appropriate ways.

In this post, we’ll explore:

• What emotional regulation is
• What emotional dysregulation is
• Five ways to improve emotional regulation

What Is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation refers to an inability to modulate one’s emotional experience and expression and is characterized by extreme responses to emotions.

Individuals diagnosed with ADHD frequently experiences challenges in regulating their emotions.

Shaw and associates (2014) estimated that the prevalence of emotional dysregulation in children with ADHD to be between 24 and 50%, while the prevalence in adults diagnosed with ADHD to be around 70%. These challenges are far more detrimental to an individual’s sense of self-worth and wellbeing than the core symptoms of ADHD (Shaw et al., 2014).

What Causes Emotional Dysregulation?

Poor regulation of emotions in individuals with ADHD is likely the result of poor executive function control ^[1], which leads to the following:

• Impatience and low frustration tolerance, quickness to anger, reactive aggression and temper outbursts, and increased mood swings.
• Problems regulating emotional responses, leading individuals with ADHD to experience intense and overwhelming emotional reactions. Additionally, individuals with ADHD may find it difficult to inhibit their behavioral responses to the emotions and may find it challenging to moderate the intensity of the emotion.
• Difficulty refocusing attention away from the strong emotion, which leads to difficulties with ruminating thoughts.
• Poor self-soothing. Self-soothing is used to moderate the emotional response and individuals with ADHD, as a result of poor working memory, may struggle to use typical self-soothing strategies, such as self-speech and visual imagery.
• Difficulty organizing and executing appropriate responses due to poor cognitive flexibility in the area of manipulating and organizing information, generating and appraising possible responses and potential outcomes, and planning an appropriate response.

These above deficits lead to the following struggles in daily living ^[1]:

• Experiencing and displaying emotions more intensely, especially in relationships
• Becoming overly excited
• Focusing on negative aspects of a task/situation
• Experiencing social problems, including social rejection, bullying, and isolation
• Experiencing marital problems, relationship breakups, and divorce
• Having difficulties achieving academic or occupational goals, receiving disciplinary measures in the school or workplace, failure to be promoted, or loss of employment
• Experiencing agitation during driving, including being involved in road rage incidents or car accidents
• Feeling distressed by emotional experiences, leading to the development of anxiety and/or depression
• Having more conduct problems, including being involved in crime or other activities that result in institutionalization

However, despite these struggles, it is possible to increase emotional regulation in people with and without ADHD. Here’s what you need to know.

1. Focus on Prevention.

Preventative techniques help by decreasing vulnerability to strong emotions. The best way to modulate a strong emotion is to prevent the emotional experience from being overwhelming. The following areas will help to prevent strong emotional responses:

Treat physical illness

Routine illnesses (i.e. colds, flu) and pain make us vulnerable to increased emotional volatility. Appropriate treatments of these conditions are vital. Take medication and vitamin supplements, as prescribed, and schedule an appointment with your medical doctor if you do not feel well.

Eat well

Eating regularly and with a focus on nutrition will improve your body’s ability to regulate itself. Eating every few hours will serve to keep your blood sugar and energy stable. You should focus on eating a balanced meal with a focus on ensuring that you are eating enough fruits and vegetables. Avoid too large portions that may lead to physical discomfort due to overeating and avoid or limit foods high in sugar, fat, and caffeine.

Avoid mood altering drugs and substances

Take only medications that are prescribed by a doctor. Drink alcohol only in moderation, preferably only drink on weekends or days off work, and only in moderation on those days. Avoid illegal substances or non-prescribed medications completely. Using drugs and alcohol increases susceptibility and vulnerability to strong emotions and this vulnerability persists for one to two days following use.

Get good sleep

Most people need 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night. Practice good sleep hygiene by unplugging from electronics at least an hour before bed, go to sleep the same time every night, and turn the light off completely at least 15 minutes before you would like to be asleep. Avoid naps during the day to improve the quality of your sleep at night. If you feel that you must nap, limit the nap to 15 to 30 minutes.

Get plenty of exercise

Remember that exercise leads to a boost of mood regulating chemicals in the brain and provides an outlet for burning off excess energy that stems from stress or frustration. Aim to exercise 20 to 30 minutes each day.

Do one thing each day to obtain a sense of mastery

Feeling that you have mastered something gives you a sense of accomplishment, capability, and confidence. Mastered task may be completion of daily responsibilities, such as household cleaning, learning a new task, or enhancing mastery in a task that you already know.

2. Cope ahead, when possible.

This simply means planning for events that you know will trigger a strong emotional response. Identify types of situations that typically evoke a strong reaction for you and identify what you need to feel more in control and prepared for the situation. Then, follow through with what works.

Preparation techniques may take the form of role play to prepare for a difficult situation, carrying an item to remind you of your coping strategies, and using your self-soothing skills (more on this later) in the moments before the event is to occur. Do not be discouraged and give up if initial coping attempts are not successful. Sometimes, it takes some trial and error to find a plan that works. Remember to practice your coping strategies routinely, even when calm, so that you are more comfortable and able to use the techniques effectively when upset. Times of emotional upset are not the correct time to be practicing a new skill.

Just like a basketball team does not learn a new play during the game, plays are learned and practiced beforehand.

Coping skills work the same way.

3. Be mindful by being present in the moment.

It is not an uncommon experience during times of emotional upset that your thoughts begin to spiral, reminding you of previous times when similar situations have occurred and have not gone well. This creates more anxiety and increases the risk of failure in the present situation. Keep your focus on the current situation and your plan for dealing with strong emotions.

Use grounding techniques

If you find yourself beginning to lose focus, ground yourself in the moment. One effective grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 Game. In this technique, you ground yourself in the physical environment by naming

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can hear
• 3 things you can feel against your skin
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

If this feels too complicated for you, just remember to ground yourself in your current environment using the five senses. A more simplistic grounding technique would be to count the number of different colors you can see in your environment.

4. Identify Negative Patterns of Thinking

Be mindful by being aware of unrealistic or negative patterns of thinking that lead to strong emotional reactions. Negative and distorted thinking comes in many different forms and leads to strong emotional responses that are based on your automatic misinterpretation of the situation. The following are some of the most common types of negative thoughts:

• All-or Nothing Thinking: This is a type of thinking where you see only the extremes. Something is awful or wonderful; people love you or hate you. This type of thinking sees the world in black-and-white while ignoring the entire gray in between.
• Overgeneralization: This type of thinking makes assumptions that something is true based upon one or two previous experiences. For instance, you may think that you are a failure because you received unsatisfactory feedback from your boss on one assignment.
• Mental Filter: This type of thinking refers to filtering out all positive experiences and focusing only on negative experiences. For instance, if you give a presentation at work and get tongue tied on one part, you may fixate only on that one part rather than the overall presentation, which was good.
• Mind Reading: This type of thinking refers to assuming that you know what someone else is thinking or know why they do a particular action. For instance, you may assume that someone does not respond to your question because they are ignoring you or because they do not care about you or your feelings. We never truly know what someone else is thinking or why they act the way they act. By assuming you do know, you are more likely to misinterpret their actions and react by becoming frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed.
• Emotional Reasoning: This type of thinking refers to the belief that what you feel is true. I feel like a failure, so that means I am a failure.
• Catastrophizing: This refers to the belief that the worst case scenario is going to happen or that the most extreme interpretation of the situation is the truth. For example, if you do poorly on a work project, you may assume that you are a terrible employee, that you will be fired, and never find employment again. This leads to strong reactions of stress and defensiveness due to a belief that you need to defend yourself against this terrible outcome.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE EXPERIENCING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS: There are many other types of negative thinking that leads to strong emotions. A good rule is, if you feel a strong emotional reaction, stop and identify what you are thinking. Then, ask yourself if your belief is supported by the situation. If not, mentally tell yourself all of the evidence that you see and know that proves that your thoughts are not based in reality. Then, identify a more balanced thought. For example, if you believe that you are going to be fired because you were not successful on a single work assignment (catastrophizing), you may tell yourself that, while you made a mistake on this assignment, you did well on all of the other assignments and expectations that you have been given and that your boss compliments your frequently on your good work. The more balanced thought would be, “While I made a mistake, I’m not likely to get fired for one mistake.”

5. Practice good self-soothing techniques.

It is important that you learn and implement ways to calm your physical and emotional responses in difficult situations. When you recognize that your emotions are becoming overwhelming, separate yourself from the triggering situation to de-escalate yourself. The following are some suggestions for techniques that some people find beneficial:

Diaphragmatic breathing

Take a deep breath through your nose and allow it to fill your lungs, causing your diaphragm to rise. Then, breathe out slowly. Hint: If you put your hands on your stomach, you should be able to see them rise if you are breathing correctly. Using either a square or triangle breathing approach is also helpful. Square breathing involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds, breathing out for 4 seconds, and wait for 4 seconds before repeating. Triangle breathing is the same minus the final step of waiting, so breathe in, hold, breathe out, and then immediately repeat.

Meditation or guided imagery

There are many different types of meditation and guided imagery. For guided imagery, imagine yourself somewhere peaceful or relaxing. The place may be real or imaginary. Using your five senses, focus on exploring this peaceful or relaxing location, immersing yourself fully in the experience and imagining yourself in that environment. If this feels too complicated, some people find that simply allowing troubling thoughts to empty from the mind to be more beneficial. One method of doing this is to imagine yourself lying by a stream. When a thought enters your head, imagine it leaving your mind immediately and being taken away by the flowing water.

Progressive muscle relaxation

This involves systematically tightening and relaxing your muscles beginning at your feet and continuing until you reach the top of your head. You continue this activity until your body feels relaxed.

Once you feel that your emotions have reached a tolerable level, return to the situation and attempt to find a resolution.

About the Author

You can request an appointment with Monica here. 

References

1. Barkley, R.A. (2015). Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment, 4th ed. New York: Guilford Publications.
2. Emotional Self-Regulation. Copyright 2017. Thriving with ADHD, Perth, Western Australia. Retrieved from https://thrivingwithadhd.com.au/emotional-dysregulation/
   Shaw, P., Stringaris, A., Nigg, J. & Leibenluft, E. (2014). Emotional dysregulation and Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3): 276-293.

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